anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
