My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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