i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
this hospital has no fireball
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
