He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Randomize
