my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize