i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
