i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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