Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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