she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
She needs sedatives and a leash
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
