so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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