You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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