Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
