Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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