I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
