i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
