I want to stick my p in your. b.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
