The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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