how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
