Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
porn star boner night. come get it.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
