I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
