Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
