I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
