guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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