my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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