You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
