I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize