if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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