I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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