Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
