God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I'm jealous of your bromance
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
