Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
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