I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
