who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
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I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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