wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
my shit smells like andre
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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