dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
do nipples grow back?
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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