you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
