there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Randomize
