i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
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my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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