I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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