I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
My boob is missing a layer of skin
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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