Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
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