p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
