My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
