Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
