Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Randomize
