Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
