He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
