You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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