Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
