the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
