based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
