Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
