My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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