I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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