I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
