Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
