So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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