I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a beard to bite.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
What the fuck dude?
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.