I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
